love is pain

I can't trust myself in love like I used to.
I hold back because I got hurt.
I don't know how being in love feels anymore.
For me love is only pain in disguise.

I need someone who'll prove me wrong.

Fighting

It’s funny how I can pretend to be emotionally strong and happy in front of everyone when in fact I’m still struggling, still fighting the pain. I said I’d move on. I even put a date on it. I guess you were right. It just doesn’t work that way. I’m not yet ready. I’m just lying to myself, telling myself over and over that everything would be alright. Until I believe in it and eventually it would happen.

I can feel the weight of it now that I’m alone. It scares me that the day might come when I’d give in to it. I’m afraid that I’d still commit the same mistakes. I’m afraid that I’d make the same decisions and get hurt all over again. Stupid isn’t it?

I’m still fighting… still searching for the answers to the many questions that continue to bother me.

One day…

Someday…

Those Sweet Words

What did you say?
I know I saw you singin'
But my ears won't stop ringin'
Long enough to hear those sweet words
What did you say?

End of the day, the hour hand has spun
But before the night is done
I just have to hear those sweet words
Spoken like a melody

All your love is a lost balloon
Rising up through the afternoon
Till it could fit on the head of a pin

Come on in
Did you have a hard time sleepin'
Cause the heavy moon was keepin' me awake
And all I know is I'm just glad to see you again

See my love is like a lost balloon
Rising up through the afternoon
And then you appeared

What did you say?
I know what you were singin'
But my ears won't stop ringin'
Long enough to hear those sweet words
And your simple melody
I just have to hear those sweet words
Spoken like a melody
I just wanna hear those sweet words.

---Norah Jones

can you hear me now?

my heart's down in the dumps all over again.


my ogre prince found his princess.


However, she's not me.


I hear my heart breaking.


I have no right to feel this way.


But why does it hurt so much?


He didn't give me a chance to tell him.


I chose him.


I love him.


It's too late.


He's happy with his princess.


He's happy.


And that's all that matters.

the sky was crying yesterday

Yesterday.

August 17, 2007.

The sky was crying yesterday.

It was weeping together with my lonely heart.

Memories kept replaying in my mind.

Happy or sad, they were all the same.

They brought silent tears to my broken heart.

The sky was crying yesterday.

It was weeping together with my lonely heart.

i did the laundry today

I've decided to do the laundry today.

You may find it funny but it was my first time to ever use a washing machine...haha

"Okay, okay how does this work? hmmm"

I learned to wash my own clothes back in college. We were on our on-the-job training here in Laguna.

It was kind of embarrasing.

"Frae, are you done? Nagbabanlaw ka na ba?"

"No, I just started. Why? Am I doing it wrong?"

"Ummm, Frae, I think you put too much water. Di na bumubula." he said, suppressing a laugh.

"Oh. haha..." red-faced me.

My guy classmate was actually observing me the whole time. Oh, how I wanted to throw myself into the labador...huhuhu

This time it was no different. No, I think it was worse. Yeah, it was...

Ok, I have managed to learn how to work the machine. So it was like WASH-DRAIN-RINSE-DRAIN and so on.

I was on to my 2nd rinse when Super Me destroyed the faucet causing the water to spray everywhere.

"OH NO!!! MOMMY!!!"

It was JM this time who came to the rescue. So embarassing...

"Frae may super strength ka ata."

Well at least I have learned my lesson... and I had fun.

You might be wondering why I've decided to do the laundry when it was already late at night and was raining out.

I've decided to do the laundry today.

'Coz his words made me sad.

I didn't want to cry and feel bad.

Well it sure did the job of making me laugh (at myself).

I wish it were just as easy to wash away

the words that have been spoken...

the pain that it have caused...

and the words that have been left unspoken.

The Giraffe

I feel good today.

I made a friend smile. Isn't that nice?

For one, I'm not a happy person in general.

"Nakasimangot ka na lang palagi. Parang ikaw na lang ang nagmamayari ng lahat ng sama ng loob."

My boss would always sing that song when he sees me sad...lol

But today I feel happy because I made a friend feel better.

Bing was all down and depressed yesterday over her lovelife. It's really cute how she still gets those giddy feelings when she's talking to her crush... yes crush. She even nicknamed him Giraffe. Well that's Binggay.

I should call her Ate Bing because she's the eldest in our team. She may be the eldest but she's the youngest at heart.

"Si Bing nga pala, ang dalaga namin."

That's how my colleagues would introduce her.

Well yesterday she had this sad look on her face. She said she would just give it up... "there's no use in loving him. It's just impossible for US to happen."

I didn't want her to give up. She was just assuming things anyway.

"Don't stop until you think you have done everything to make it work. So that in the end you won't regret anything because you have done enough."

I was at the mall last night looking for a present for my li'l brother when I came across this cute giraffe stuffed animal.

"Giraffe + Bing = 4-EVER"

I bought it for her. And yeah, you know what happened next...

She was bringing the stuffed animal with her wherever she went. She even lets it sit beside her laptop while she works. haaay

Bing sent me a message just tonight.

"Frae, I'm gonna make a shirt for Giraffe."

"Ok... Make it a turtle neck Bing. Giraffe would love it. Maginaw naman ngayon."

Was it a wrong move? lol I still think it's cute.

sad smile

"...I don't understand you and I"m confused about you... I'll just stand here in the corner like I should and like I always do. I don't hurt myself and I don't hurt anyone this way."

Maybe I was blinded with what i felt for him that I failed to see you. I did not realize that in my hope to keep my then falling-apart relationship I was hurting someone else. If you didn't tell me straightforward I would have never known. I was so consumed in my misery that I didn't see anyone else but him.

You were there. You stood by me. I thank you for that. You offered to take care of me. You offered me your love.

Did I push you away? I'm glad you held on to me.

You're my friend. I'm sorry if I hurt you.

You saved me.

"I can smile when my friends are with me. I hope later when I'm alone I could still smile."

we were kids

"I have fallen for you. I think I already love you. I have agreed to our relationship. You don't have to promise me anything. I know that I love you and I'm happy. Just let me love and care for you."

It's been like twelve years now since I first met you. We were kids back then. I still remember your smile whenever you approached me.

"Oh no! Not him again..." [groans]

I pretended to be busy reading my books while you kept on talking and talking and talking to me. Forgive me for being rude but you were so kulit.

You always wore a smile on your face. Actually, as I think back to those days, you were quite a charming li'l boy... with the chubby face and wavy hair.

But then you really had to call me a nag, huh? Did I really break your li'l heart?

"Yeah, you can but please don't hurt yourself coz I don't want you to do that."

The Little Boy and His Evil Sister...hmmm

I happened to visit my sister's blog and there i found out what she did to my baby brother...
Here's their conversation...

the 7-year old tyrant who was down on his knees, talking to his matchbox toys.

[sound effects by geowi]
ate val: geow, you know what? i think you're crazy.
*geowi busy with his own business did not hear and kept on talking to his imaginary friend (or friends)*
ate val: hey geow! i honestly think you need some help. and that you should be placed in some psychiatric ward!
geowi: what? what's that?
ate val: the place for crazy people.
geowi: haha! it's okay. i'm always like this.
ate val: geow! you always talk to people we don't see!
geowi: it's just my imagination!
ate val: no, you should be sent to see some doctor. they'd come and take you away, tie you up in a straightjacket, and you won't be seeing us for three years.
geowi: straight---what?
ate val: straightjacket. it would tie you up like this.
*geowi seriously serious*
geowi: then i won't be seeing you, all of you, and barney and teddy---
ate val: it's okay, you'll be okay after three years. wait, i'll just turn this (computer) off and i'll go call the doctor.
geowi: no. it's okay! i was born crazy!
*geowi slowly stood up and called for mom*
geowi: mom?! ate val said a doctor's gonna come to get me!
*ate val with her evil grin rushed to the telephone*
mom: what? val panghugas na da ay.
ate val: wait, ma! i have to call the doctor!
geowi: hey! mom, ate val said i have to go to the hospital and stay there for three years!
mom: ano kuno?
*geowi pretended to cry*
*ate val laughed*
ate val: i really think you're crazy and that you should see a doctor.
geowi: hehe, you're trying to joke.
ate val: i'm not.
*geowi bowed his head in anxiety*
ate val: hehe, i'm kidding!
*ate val laughed and went to the kitchen sink and told mom the story*
geowi: you're always joking! you say things that hurt my feelings! you don't even say sorry!
ate val: sorry! ^_^
geowi: i don't accept your sorry! it's too late!
*ate val and momi lol-ed *

Val why are you always joking! You say things that hurt [Geowi's] feelings! You don't even say sorry!
See [he] wont accept your sorry! It's too late!

lol

oist, don't do that to the poor baby... he's just using his imagination... Barney taught him that...hmph

Geowi don't worry even if you're born crazy we still love you... mwaaah

Your Night Light Is A Star

Your night-light is a star,
Its light is soft and golden,
It makes you feel so happy
As you snuggle down in bed.

Its soft light glows around you
As you gently close your eyes,
Its soft light glows around you
As you give a sleepy sigh.

Your night-light is a star, Its light is soft and golden, It makes you feel so sleepy as you snuggle down in bed.

Its relaxing light surrounds you
With comfort – warm and deep.
Its relaxing light surrounds you
And carries you to sleep.

Your night-light is a star
Its light is soft and golden,
It makes you feel so cosy
As you snuggle down to sleep.

As this light glows round you
It’s full of happy dreams,
As this light glows round you…
You’ll love the dreams it brings.

Your night-light is a star
Its light is soft and golden
It makes you feel so dreamy
As you snuggle down to sleep.

The glow from it enfolds you
With soft and gentle light
The glow from it enfolds you
With peace all through the night.

Your night-light is a star
Its light is soft and golden
It shines like many others
As the world is filled with sleep.

© Sounds Dreamy Ltd 2004

Oh please... I have been dozing off at work coz I can't get enough sleep at night. It has been three nights that I tossed and turned in bed. I don't know why I can't just shut my eyes and go off to dreamland..huhuhu And now, another night of tossing and turning... I'm so tired and I want to sleep but my mind won't let me.

November updates

hello everyone.
updates:
1. had to work nightshift last month.

together with malou, we made our sleepy working hours into those fun stay-awake hours..hehehe
i got to know malou better... she's nice. she's an OK friend to be with... i feel sorry for her though, she had to go through a nasty break-up two months ago. she's mending and smiling now.



2. went to Q3 Supervisors' Forum

no... we didn't dance that stupid dance again.
i got to sing this time... while the others danced...yipppeeee
that's malou and me in the pic.
it was a fun night. but then it was cut short when my boss told me he'd have someone take us back to work before 10pm (remember night shift)
first time i wore a dress to work. and it was freakin' cold.huhuhu



3. celebrated my birthday!!!!

yes, it was that time of the year again when my age just "count++" ..hehe
...edited...


i was to meet reg today but she had some major prob to attend to... well maybe we can meet up with the guys this december then.

i miss you girls... can't wait to be home. i'll be flying, december 23... so see you guys!!!

The Real World

Hello Frae... welcome back!!! hehe

Offline for more than half of this year and now I'm back . A lot has happened (though I won't really go into the details... :P). I got a job... yep I did, I did... and have been working my ass hard ever since..huhuhu Friends ask, 'Frae do you still have a life aside from work?' I just stare at them wide-eyed...hehehe I've been transported to an alien world... Save me... please. The after-effects of a hard day at work... now I'm blubbering like crazy.

I really had a lot in mind that I want to share, however, my mind is drawing blanks right now... can't think straight. hmmm...

so lemme see what I have been up to this past week...

monday... went to work... attended meetings... made reports... hmmm

tuesday... went to work... talked nonesense with an officemate... we were all going crazy by the minute...

wednesday... went to work...(hehe)... got chocolates from an officemate who came back from training in japan... woohoo.. yummie... binged on donuts and chuckie during afternoon break...hehe finally met an officemate who can be one of those true friends... we're going sister-bonding this weekend...

thursday... went to work... and he's back... he's back... i missed him... two weeks gone and I just greeted him 'hey' along the hallway... good going Frae...hehe Dada, I love you... PEACE...

friday... went to work... we brushed each other... he said "ma'am"... in my mind "yep, sir" with a serious smile (how can a smile be serious? i wonder how i looked...hehe)

i've been bad... huhuhu I've been missing my Dada though... Can't wait til he comes back to Manila to work.

The First Step

Naive, that is just the word that would best describe me right now. Soon, I'll be leaving the security of home to face the real world. I don't know what it would be like. Just the thought of it leaves me scared and anxious.

I want to be free and be independent. I want to explore new things and ideas. I am ambitious and that is a fact. However, ambition and fear don't mix well. Facing my fears, I have to take that first step. I have to push myself to succeed.

__________________________________

...edited...

when can you say you had enough?

when can you say you had enough?

enough of all the fights and squabbles...

enough of all the tears and heartaches...

enough of all the "sorry"s and "i didn't mean it"s...

well...

i'm tired of all the fights and squabbles...

i'm tired of all the tears and heartaches...

i'm tired of all the "sorry"s and "i didn't mean it"s


i'm tired of keeping it all inside me...